I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
