He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
