The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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