Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
