She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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