I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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