sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
