yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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