Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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