How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
