Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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