Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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