I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
