and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
