that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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