i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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