I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As shirtless as possible
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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