so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
