Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
