I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
