New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
