i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
