I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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