so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
