i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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