We're facebook friends in real life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
