why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
