OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize