And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
