There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
