Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
