I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize