I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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