considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
