You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
