I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
