I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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