dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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