I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize