im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
