I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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