You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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