i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
