her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
