Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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