Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
