someone get that fucking seahorse.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
