Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
