The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
