he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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