you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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