I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
