hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
