I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
