dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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