Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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