I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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