so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
