I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
