Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
