does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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