So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
