Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
