I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
