I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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