I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He better not be in your backpack
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
