i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
