I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What a dumb baby whore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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