Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
