Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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