My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
