went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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