perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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