Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
