You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
