why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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