lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
