Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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