We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
