my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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