I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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