So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize